3 Months since my Explant!!
Updated: Jul 31, 2019
Guess WHAT?!! Today marks exactly 3 months since I had my saline breast implants removed on November 7, 2018! What a long and exhaustive process this has all been, 10 plus years of not feeling great, random illnesses all the time, energy tanked, tons of physicians and specialists telling me something wasn't right but not being able to find out WHAT! And in the end, it was like a forest, sometimes you can't see the forest through the trees, especially when you are standing in the middle of one...or in my case, all I had to do was look down! 😂
I've had so many women ask me over the last few months how I feel emotionally, you know, going from a 32DD to a 32A (if I'm lucky! lol), and I can honestly say I am 100% secure, confident and feel really good in my body! I mean, a few things are annoying, like not fitting into some of my clothes anymore, particularly my dresses and gala gowns, but hey, it is worth the alterations fee to be able to feel good in your own skin again and not be depressed, ill, or thinking you are going crazy! Here's one thing I have also come to realize, I don't regret getting implants.
I know, you will probably be shocked to hear that, but hear me out before you get all judgy judgy on me. At the time, my self confidence as a woman was pretty low, and at that time in 1993, I did as much research as humanly possible (remember, no internet!), to make the safest and most thought out decision. I chose Saline Implants at the age of 23 because I did not want to have Silicone in my body, for that I am truly grateful...even at 23 I was thinking ahead! I was educated as much as I could be for that time, and I wanted desperately to feel more like a grown woman. And I did. Implants served me and my emotions for the time that I had them (27 years!), and for that part, I am grateful to have experienced what living life as a larger breasted woman is like. And let me tell you, it is definitely different! Some positives and negatives too. Like everything in life, tons of balancing the good with the bad. It was great wearing a bathing suit, having cleavage, trying on ANYTHING and having it fit like a glove, having an hourglass figure, and the attention, well, that didn't hurt either :) On the flip side, feeling like you are noticed only for your boobs, being self-conscious when it's the first thing that people saw, and feeling bad around women who had smaller breasts, that you just knew were comparing themselves against you...ironic isn't it? So if I judged myself, or had regret, I would be denying a part of myself, which is what made me who I am today.
Having said all of that, I must also make it clear, had I known at the age of 23 that Breast Implants would have made me sick, I NEVER would have gotten them. And you know how I can be so confident of that?, because even at 23 my health was a top priority. I researched everything I could about what to eat, when, I even sought out supplement and additive information from Science Professors at College! Health was my jam, and I am confident that had the world known about BII (Breast Implant Illness), I never would have jeopardized my health, or even considered it if I knew there were others who were having health issues as a result, and I could to.
Now that I am smaller, natural, I can say my confidence comes from within now, it's not my body shape or superficial looks, it truly comes from within. It was always there, or at least it was developed over time, and for this I am also truly grateful, I just never realized when I was young that developing my self confidence was all it would have taken. I have been lucky enough to be in a profession and surrounded by people, friends, who celebrate me for who I am, not what I look like, where the most important thing is relationships and connection to others, not how you look outwardly. I have learned to grow outside of my comfort zone, to see people for who they are, past their insecurities, body shape and problems, to the core of what makes them special and unique. And this ability, has enabled me to carry this through to my own personal life and feelings about myself.
So, rather then beat myself up for a decision I made with all the knowledge available to me at that time, I cannot regret my choices, for my choices are what led to today, to who I am today, for all of the experiences, the hardships, the poor health, the roller coaster rides and of course, the emotional help I needed at the time that has led me to being able to write to you, and let you know that all of the self-love you aspire to have, lies within, it doesn't come in a box or a bag as the Grinch would say, it lies within you, always has, and always will. So for those ladies wishing to change their appearance to feel better about your already perfect self, save yourself a lot of money and potential poor health consequences, and invest in surrounding yourself with people, courses and books that help you to realize this. Trust me when I say, that would have been my preferred route had I been given that option at 23, had I been wise enough to seek out help when I felt so low, I may be writing a different story now.
If you or anyone you know is suffering from random symptoms and not feeling good, please research for yourself. The best resource I have found is a woman's group dedicated to helping women, just like you. Here is their website: www.healingbreastimplantillness.com
~ Monika xo