Love Being You
Updated: Jul 30, 2019
Be okay with just being YOU.
I love connecting, meeting new people, getting to know them and what makes them tick, and the one thing I have found more often than not is people give themselves a label. What do I mean by that? Well, ask yourself right now who are you...I bet you'll come up with some word that you feel defines you the best. Like, Nurse, Personal Trainer, Police Officer, Plumber, Secretary, Bodybuilder etc. You get the idea. Now, while these are amazing things to 'do', they don't define who you are. Again, what do I mean by that.
Well, here is an observation I have made over the last little while that has me thinking about how we identify with ourselves. When the thing we defined ourselves as our entire lives fades, no longer is, we need to dig deep for that inner purpose once again. Let me give you an example, I will use myself. I was a Personal Trainer for decades, and when people asked what I did, I referred to my profession of course, but the reality was, I viewed who I WAS as a personal trainer. The day that I stopped Personal Training as a job I found myself looking for a word that would sum up who I was...if I wasn't a Personal Trainer, who was I? People who retire from a lifelong career find themselves experiencing this very thing, they were a CEO or an Accountant, and once that career is over and they are left with just themselves waking up in the morning with no where to go and nothing to do, they lose their identity, because the job itself gave them one. Same holds true for being a parent. Now I know many parents who's children leave the nest and move away, and the parent often feels they have no purpose anymore. They will obviously always be a 'parent' to that child, but the purpose they had for the first 18 years of that child's life no longer exists...and they become lost.
I think it is so important to define yourself not by your vocation or familial duty, but rather by who you are as a person. The I AM part of you. The part that knows if plopped down on a dessert island would know who he was, and not what he/she is defined by. I AM Happy, I AM Compassionate, I AM Joyful, I AM Giving, I AM Authentic, I AM light.
Digging even deeper, women especially define themselves as 'old, fat, tall, short, smart, stupid, unworthy, unfit' and the list goes on. When we define ourselves by these types of statements, we run the risk of believing them as much as a Firefighter believes he is a Firefighter. We take on the actions of those words, just as a Firefighter takes on the actions of a Firefighter. Now, unlike the Firefighter who profession it is to wear the uniform, drive the truck, put his life at risk, all to which are necessary and admirable for him/her to fulfill their duties in that profession, the same holds true with labeling ourselves with words that are demeaning and self-deprecating. For example, if you label yourself as old, you may start to dress less youthful, in baggier more 'age appropriate' clothing, you may start to feel aches and pains more, slow down and convince yourself that 'agh, I'm too old for that', you may start to walk differently, come up with reasons why you can't do thing because of 'your age', and before you know it, you are acting and looking like the very thing you have labeled yourself as. I saw it all the time in the Fitness Profession, people living into their label.
So what does this all have to do with being okay with being just you? Because the reality is, there will only ever be you. How we define ourselves is the lens with which we see the world through. We don't need to be or define ourself as anything....how utterly limiting is that! All we need is to know is what makes us tick, what makes us happy, joyful, elated, energized and fulfilled, and when we don't have that level of deep knowing and understanding of ourselves, when the label is gone, that is when our lives fall apart. We lose a sense of self.
So focus on YOU, the one without the title, the accolades, the trophies and certificates, the one without the name tag, door plaque, recognition level or degree. Those aren't who you are, and they never will be. Find out what you love, what makes your heart sing, the part of you that is rarely shown because the label is taking up too much space. That is the YOU the world wants to see, and with less labels walking around, there is less comparison, less judgement, less self-hatred and deprecation, and more love, compassion, joy and a genuine authenticity and desire to know a person on a deeper level, to know what makes them happy, joyful, what their deep dreams and passion, and that's what makes a healing thriving community and world.
~ Monika xo