Single and Over 40
Updated: Jul 30, 2019
Single and over 40, sounds like the title of chick flick or a dating site, am I right?! But the reality is, there are many of us who are exactly that, single and over 40. And in my case, over 50....JUST!
I spent a lot of time when I turned 50 beating myself up for being single, still, you know, saying things like "you're old" "no one will want you" "everyone wants young women" "you have so many wrinkles" and more. I think it's natural to hit milestone Birthday's and feel like we haven't 'arrived' yet, like there is some sort of bench mark to achieve certain things by, and unfortunately, it's these bench marks that set us up for failure and disappointment.
Take a look at history. In the 1800's women were getting married by 20 and having anywhere between 6-14 babies!! Now you look at 2019 where the average age of marriage is 30 and women are having 0-2 children. So based on the current trend, waiting until later in life to do what is traditionally expected or is the social norm is perfectly, well, normal!
As women, and I speak from my own personal experience here, I believe we tend to focus on our physical appearance and whether we feel it will be an asset or a liability when it comes to our desirability or not. We spend our youth being obsessed with our hair, make up and clothing in an attempt to get the attention of men in order to make us feel that we are beautiful and worthy of their affections. As we age we start to notice the imperfections, the greying hair, the wrinkles, the sagging skin or pant size that has gone up. We put all of our value onto our appearance and little to no value on who we are as women, what our minds have to offer, our hearts, our personalities. Think about it, isn't our dream man one who loves who we are? Who adores our smile, who loves how we think, who believes we are the most beautiful woman in the world because of our heart and how we think? When we are constantly focused on attracting attention from others (be it male or female) solely based on our looks, then we are missing out on everyone who is looking for something deeper, more meaningful and lasting then looks...and isn't that what real connection is?!
I know what it's like to feel that youth has officially slipped through ones fingers, but what I believe women need to realize is that what's on the other side of youth is far more valuable, lasting, and sexy...the wisdom of years lived, the heart of a woman who has depth, understanding and experience, the value in knowing who she is and what she wants, the security in knowing a man does not define her, and the self love to never settle for anything less then she deserves. Being single and over 40 isn't something to feel bad about, it's a sign of a strong woman, perhaps one who decided not to settle until she found the right one, it's a sign of a woman who left a bad relationship because she regained some self worth, it's a sign of a woman who is starting over and has the courage and strength to do it on her own terms.
As a woman I believe it is up to us to lead by example, to have the confidence to stand tall and proud in who we are, to love ourselves, our journey, our life, to know that only we define our worth, and outward beauty is much like the seasons, in spring you have the fresh air, the bright colours and new growth beginning, and in autumn the warmth of the changing colours, the warm days and cosy fireplace nights. Both beautiful in their own way, and both experiences in the same lifetime. Embrace our Autumn ladies, we have graduated to a new kind of beauty, where being grounded and confident in who we are can only be achieved by living through the spring.
~ Monika xo