Loss - we can never be prepared
Updated: Jul 30, 2019
Last week I received a phone call that no one is ever ready for, one that we all know is coming one day, but one that we never expect or want to receive. One of my closest friends, who I feel is more of a family member then friend, unexpectedly lost her husband, they have two beautiful teenage daughters. It was a gut wrenching phone call. Hearing her pain, her tears, her fear, and her sheer shock and numbness radiate through the phone was so emotional, I could hardly contain my grief for her. I didn't know what to say, how to comfort her, what to do. It is in times like this that all of the usual tools we pull upon no longer exist, they are no longer helpful. I realized after we hung up that I haven't lost anyone close to me yet, this time being the first time, and it had thrown me all over the emotional landscape.
I experienced shock, confusion, despair, pain, sadness and even depression. The wave of emotions was relentless, reliving what I had imagined in my mind to have happened, to envisioning seeing her daughters in their moments of anguish and despair, like a movie on replay, over and over in my mind.
Being on the 'outside' of something so tragic leaves one feeling helpless, not that being on the inside is anymore helpful; wherever you are never seems close enough, never seems to be the right place to help, with anything.
I had some time over the last few days to sit with what has happened, what has changed, what will forever be different in all of our lives going forward, and here is what I have come to learn for myself.
Life is such a gift, it comes in like spring, and leaves like fall, it has turbulent times like a raging river, and soothing times like the warm air of a soft summer day. It is fleeting, there is no script or manual as to how it will all unfold, and there certainly is no predicting what each future will hold.
Gratitude for each person who touches our lives, love each moment we have to share, cherish each experience like it will be your last. Each life we have the blessing to be a part of is a gift that is only leant to us for a while. We don't own anything, nothing is ours to keep, only the memories created will breath life into all that we are and have become because of knowing that special someone.
The loss of a loved one, near or far, leaves a hole in the heart that nothing can heal but time...and even time will never replace the empty spot where their lives used to fill. But what I can say is that we are never alone, not in happiness or grief, we are never alone. The sun continues to rise, the spring flowers continue to bloom the autumn leaves fall just like they do every year, and with the changing of seasons so does the pain within our hearts... the pain turns into a dull ache which turns into memories of love and happiness, and then a peaceful knowing that in time, we shall all meet again.
~To my friend and her daughters: Love knows no limits or boundaries, neither here or in heaven. Our hearts will forever be changed, forever be bigger, as they have now been filled with a lifetime of memories given, that can never be taken, not now, not ever. Love will always be yours.
~ Monika xo